A Note on Placeholder Relationships

Time wasters... Fall and die!!!

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

My fellow Gen Zs,

I am here again with the issue of love. Don’t worry we will go back to our normal schedule soon. Let me clear my chest first.

First of all, the comments from the last note were heavy. You guys! We are going through a lot for love. Who would have thought that I’d dedicate a time in my life to talking about man?

But as a wise woman once said, man go whine you but no panic!

It is what it is o. Quick update on my crush, I have abandoned him. He chose to be colour blind so we meuuveee! That is what it is anyway, a crush. I fell in love and I have stood up again. So today, we will be talking about placeholder relationships.

What is A Placeholder Relationship?

A placeholder relationship is typically a romantic or intimate partnership that serves as a temporary distraction or comfort. It's often entered into when someone is emotionally unavailable, healing from a previous relationship, or avoiding loneliness.

For me, it is a scam, a lie, the mark of ungenuine people… T I M E W A S T E R S
You are being led on in a relationship filled with one-sided commitments, and unkept promises. A relationship where tomorrow never comes. Simply, it is dating people to pass the time.

You know those heartbreaking stories where you were in a relationship for the longest time, asking your partner to commit but they never do. However, the moment you break up, they are moving big with their next partners. Proposals here and a romantic trip there. the next thing, the new partner has met the parents they told you were unavailable. Your former lover is now ready to settle down.

But those things never happened to you. You were simply the placeholder, while they waited for their real deal.

How do you know you are in a placeholder relationship?

Lack of Commitment

If you're unsure about the relationship status or feel like there's a hesitation to define the relationship, it could be a sign of a placeholder relationship. Also, avoiding discussions about the future or long-term plans can indicate a lack of commitment.

Emotional Distance

A superficial connection without genuine emotional depth is a red flag. If you feel unsupported or like you can't truly connect on an emotional level, it might be a placeholder.

Inconsistent Availability

Frequent cancellations, rescheduling, or feeling like an afterthought in your partner's life can signal a placeholder relationship.

Avoiding Serious Conversations

A reluctance to discuss important topics or a tendency to change the subject when deep conversations arise is a common characteristic of placeholder relationships.

Feeling Like a Temporary Fix

If you constantly feel like you're settling or that your needs aren't being met, it might be a placeholder relationship.

When you start realising that the person you are with has different expectations from life than you have, trust your instincts and start wrapping it up, my love.

As I have learnt, crying now is better than crying in December when everybody is getting married. Then, you start to remember the relationships you could have had, the people you shakarad. I am not writing to make you feel bad. But feel bad now than later.

The Idea of Sunken Cost Fallacy in A Relationship

In Big Man’s English, the sunken cost fallacy is the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial. The sunk cost fallacy is a psychological barrier that ties people to unsuccessful endeavours simply because they've committed resources to it.

Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should because you felt like you'd already invested so much time and energy? That's called the "sunk cost fallacy." It's like sticking with a bad movie just because you paid for the ticket. It's easy to think, "I've been with them for five years, it would be a waste to break up now." But staying in something that's not making you happy just because of the time you've put in isn't fair to you. Ending it at this point is painful, but it's often better than dragging it out for another year. When you reach the six-year mark, the regret of wasted time can be overwhelming.

You could be missing out on something amazing while you're stuck in a situation that's not working. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to cut your losses and move on. Your future happiness is more important than holding onto something that’s not working.

I guess a note on letting go will follow this.

Let go of unfulfilled dreams and move on.
Stop putting your life on hold because of things that will never be.

So if you are in a placeholder relationship, let go now while it is easier, because time will pass, and the situation will remain the same. Just as you can’t wake a person pretending to be asleep, you can’t also change a person who has not decided to change. Don’t lose your sense of agency. The pain then will be greater than what you feel now

As I love to say, a drop of honey for your day…

P.S now is a good time to subscribe to my Youtube channel - Bants With Dee